Reawakening
by web of light
Summary: Tom helps B'Elanna work through a painful realization after the events in Repression.
Harry was pulling apart a combadge. They didn't know whose it was but it didn't matter. He had managed to grab one in the melee when they had been rounded up and brought here.

"I just need a microfilament." He unsnapped the top revealing the minute inner workings. "I think I can disrupt the power flow."

Tom considered just breaking through the force field. He had done it once before and it hurt like hell but since he knew what to expect maybe he could just brace himself…

The door opened and Janeway entered unescorted. A collective sigh of relief went through the prisoners.

"It's over," she said as she deactivated the force field. "The Maquis were victims of a delayed embedded mental trigger. It reset their mind back to the days before they joined our crew. Fortunately for us the saboteur made the fatal mistake of using Tuvok as a carrier. Suffice it to say the plan didn't work as intended. This was no one's fault. There will be no disciplinary actions."

Tom's mind went straight to B'Elanna.

"Captain, are they ok? There won't be any kind of residual effects left over from this will there?" He asked.

"The Doctor believes they will be fine. They are all a little embarrassed so let's try to not to make things any harder for them than they already are. We've all been victims of mind control in one form or another so let's be lenient. As far as I'm concerned after I write up my report on this I don't want to ever hear about it again. Understood? Now back to your duty stations!"

Tom decided to stop by their quarters in hopes of seeing B'Elanna. She wasn't there but he did notice the reclaimator and the replicator had been recently used.

"Computer, what was the last item replicated from this location?"

"A Starfleet Uniform."

Interesting. He suspected he knew what she had thrown away but didn't want to ask. It would make it real and that would be painful despite the circumstances.

"B'Elanna?" he asked hitting his combadge. There was no answer. He wasn't angry at her and needed to let her know as soon as possible.

His duty post was sick bay where he had started this strange day which was just as well. Armed with questions for the doctor he was surprised by Chakotay standing on the other side of the doors. The impromptu meeting gave way to a long silence. The memory of their last meeting in this very place was clear in Tom's memory. He could still feel the sting of the phaser hitting his chest. Some basic instinct wanted to lash out but at him he remembered the Captain's directive.

"Chakotay," He said. "The Captain told us what happened. It's ok."

"You mean that Tom?" Chakotay rubbed the back of his neck. "You know that I would never…"

"Of course I mean it," Tom stepped inside so the door would close behind him. "I've been forced to do things that beyond my control, remember? It would be hypocritical to hold a grudge against anyone caught up in the same situation."

"Thank you." Chakotay visibly relaxed.

"Where's B'Elanna? Is she ok? She's not answering..." Tom asked.

"She went back to Engineering. I would give her some time. It shook her up pretty badly."

"Right. Of course. If I've learned anything at all on this trip it's that B'Elanna and time go together," Tom said. Chakotay allowed a slight smile to escape as he left sick bay.

"Mr. Paris. I'm glad that things are returning to normal. So I hear you were stunned? The last thing I remember is Chakotay aiming a phaser at you. " The Doctor grabbed a nearby tricorder and turned it on waving the probe over where the blast had hit him. "You've got quite a bruise there. Let me treat it."

"It is a little sore." Taking advantage of the Doctor's momentary expression of goodwill Tom removed his outer jacket and pulled up his undershirt allowing the Doctor to run the dermal regenerator over his wound.

"So will they be ok?" Tom asked as the tenderness dissipated. "They aren't going to be subject to any more mind games are they?"

"Their neural functions have returned to normal and the hidden mental triggers have been purged from the ship's system. There. That should feel better. I've seen mind control manifested in all sorts of ways but from what I could tell it was as if their minds and memories had gone back in time yet they were aware of the identity of the Captain and the rest of the Starfleet Crew. It was quite odd."

"But they will be alright?"

"Yes, they should be fine. I don't know what that Bajoran hoped to accomplish with this...stunt. The conflict with the Maquis is over in the Alpha Quadrant and then the whole sector became involved in a conflict with an enemy almost as insidious as the Borg. It would take Chakotay and his people years to get back and by that time...who knows what else might have changed? But enough of that. I suppose we might get the answers someday. Now where were we before all this mess started…" The door opened as he spoke. Two Starfleet Crewmen were holding up another who was, in turn, holding her own head. She had obviously been in a fight but she was quick to say her wounds were not the result of any sort of post-incident retaliation. Tom and the Doctor spent the rest of the shift treating left over minor injuries from the aborted mutiny.

At the end of his shift he returned home. No B'Elanna. He waited for a full thirty minutes before hitting his communicator. No answer. Pacing around the room he caught a glimpse of something shiny on top of her dresser. It was her wedding ring.

"At least she didn't throw this in the reclaimator," He said slipping it on his little finger. His imagination started playing out the worst case scenario before he could stop it. He and the rest of the crew on the planet surface, Voyager and B'Elanna warping away from him but this ring still here in her possession. Did it mean a small part of her refused to let go of him completely? "Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres."

"Lieutenant Torres is in holodeck One."

"Damn it!" He should have known. "Computer, site to site transport to Holodeck One." If she had privacy locks on he was prepared to override them. If this sent her into another depression he was going to be there for her this time.

The beams deposited him in front of the holodeck. He spoke the words and was surprised when the doors opened before him.

The place was dark but after his eyes adjusted he could see he was in a cave. He could hear sounds of a battle in the distance but the deck appeared to be empty. After a few moments of searching he found her. She was a small outline sitting on a rock.

"You didn't answer my hails and you didn't come home," He said. "I was worried about you.

"There was a reason for that," She said.

"Care to share it with me?" He said walking over to join her. The rock wasn't comfortable but he managed to find a spot beside her. She was still in the shadows.

"I sat there when Chakotay phasered you in sick bay. Did I try to help you? Did I go after him? You know what I did? I just walked right on by, paying no more attention to you than if you had been a Cardassian. Then I tried to maroon you on the planet." He took a few moments to let that sink in.

"Well?" she asked impatiently. "Not exactly the actions of a loving wife."

"Alice tried to kill you. I didn't believe you. I even implied that it was your fault." He reached out to take her hand. "Will it help if I say I forgive you? Look, you didn't blame me for Alice. This wasn't your fault. Come home and we'll talk about it there," He said shifting his position. She didn't move. "B'Elanna, it's over

"No, it's not over." She jerked her hand away from his reach and then pulled her knees up, resting her chin against them and wrapped her arms around herself. She was going into her self protective mode.

"I know what it's like…"

"You have no idea what it was like!" She said. He sensed the conflict within her. He had to tread carefully.

"Alice…"

"Was different. You said you could still see what was going on, that it was like you were sleepwalking. She was making you do things you didn't want to. That wasn't how it was with me. I wasn't sleepwalking. I knew exactly what I was doing and I didn't care."

"Of course you didn't care. Why should you?"

"How can you say that? How can you just sit there...?'

"The Captain said your mind went through a sort of weird reset, back to a time when you had no reason to give a damn about us, or me." He said.

"But you fought it! You at least tried to get away from Alice. I didn't want to fight it. I knew who you were. I took off my wedding ring! I wanted to leave all of this behind, even you. Part of me missed the old days. Part of me was disappointed when I realized...it wasn't real. What does that say about me?"

"It says when you commit to something you really commit," Tom said. He realized his words could be mistaken for a joke but they slipped out before he could stop them.

"Stop it!" She got up and walked to the other side of the cave.

"Stop what?" He deliberately got up and followed her.

"Stop trying to see the good side of this. There was no good side. I…"

"I know it was something you would never do if you were in your right mind. It's over." He didn't know how many times he had to repeat himself.

"Part of me...needs it to not be over. I love you. I love my life here. I don't want to leave you but in that moment when I thought I could get back to them I took it. It makes no sense."

"You once told me they were the first family you ever had. Maybe that's why you wanted to get back to them."

"It's more than that." Picking up a rock she threw it against the cave wall. Bits of dust and other particles floated down. "I know they are dead. I know it's over. So why did part of me want to back even though I know it would do no good?" She started to pick up another rock but he grabbed her arm stopping her in mid swing. She wrested herself free managing to still throw it. He could hear the sound of stones breaking behind him.

"Computer Lights!" He said stepping closer towards her. The sudden illumination caused her to blink and turn away.

"If you know they are gone, and you know it's over why are you reacting this way?" Tom asked but the question wasn't directed at B'Elanna. He looked around the cave musing out loud to himself. "You really don't want to go back there now because you know there is nothing to go back to. You want to go back in time so you can...what do you need to do?" He searched his memory for everything she had ever shared about that time in her life. He pieced the thoughts together trying to find a common thread. A possible answer presented itself. If this was the case it was no wonder she couldn't articulate it. It was slightly complicated. "I think I know what's going on," he said.

'Well then can you let me in on it because I have no idea." she said wiping her eyes. He took her hand and led her back to the rock where he had first found her and motioned for her to sit down. She did and he joined her.

"I don't know if I'm right or not. I'm just thinking out loud here so stop me if you think it's nonsense." He took a moment to try and put his idea together. "When someone joins a group like the Maquis there are only a few ways it can end. The most obvious one is you go down fighting. Die in glorious battle. If you don't die you keep fighting until the cause is either won, or lost. The thing is you stick with it no matter what. You obviously didn't die. On the surface level, the Maquis lost but in a weird way they won. I've read the reports from Starfleet about the war with the Dominion. It proved the Maquis were right. The Cardassians were not to be trusted. It's tragic that very few of the Maquis are left to say I told you so."

"I know all this. I read those reports." She went back to hugging her knees. "Over and over."

"You weren't there with them when everything was lost. You weren't there when they won. I think deep inside your own mind perhaps the Klingon part of you feels as if you left them in the middle of a battle. I think the reason you wanted to go back to that time was so you could...get a chance to experience those moments you missed with them, both the good and the bad. See it through to the end. You still have unfinished business because to you it was a mission that was never completed."

Her eyes filled with anger. Jumping up from her place on the rock she ran to the center of the cave. She stood there for a full minute before looking upward. A full throated howl escaped from lips. Tom remained where he was. He was expecting this and knew not to interfere.

"I would have died with them." That was the Klingon part of her talking.

''I know."

"I would have loved to have been there when the Federation learned about the Cardassian's treachery. It would have made our sacrifices worth it. All our blood and sweat. All the misery. I would never ever have left them but I got sucked away to another part of the Galaxy where I couldn't help them. I couldn't mourn with them. I'm not there now for the ones who are left."

"I know that too."

"I missed it. I missed it all." She was now human. "I vowed be there with them through everything, to never leave them but I couldn't keep my word." He could see a hint of clarity in her widened eyes. "It's a mission that's never going to be completed." Her voice went soft.

Only then did he leave his perch on the rock and walk toward her.

"So when this 'thing' happened part of you thought had the chance to go there and keep your promise." He took a step closer to her. "But it wasn't real. You can't go back. It was an illusion. I think what you need is closure."

"Closure." She laughed not with amusement but with bitterness. "But I think you're right. That's why I've been raging inside since the mind meld with Tuvok. I thought I had dealt with it. I thought I had moved on but…"

"I thought you had too but obviously there are things are still unresolved but you don't have to settle everything right now." He put his arms around her. "Someday we'll get back there and we'll go visit the ones that are left. You can tell them you would have kept your promise and stood with them if had been possible. They'll understand. They know you didn't just desert them."

They stood there in that embrace for a long time. He could feel her relax in his arms. She pulled away from him. He never knew whether to expect tears or not but she wasn't crying. He held up his finger revealing her wedding ring. Slipping it off he handed it to her.

"Thank you.' She said replacing it on her finger. "I guess the fact that I didn't throw this away this means something. I didn't want you out of my life completely so I was hanging onto a little bit of it. I'm sorry."

"Let's just call it even. My ship tried to kill you and you tried to maroon me on a planet but here we are...and that's what matters." Tom said. This time he did mean it as a joke. This was his way of breaking the tension and she knew it. She smiled.

"Yes. Here we are. Let's not do this again."

"Agreed."

"Computer end program," she said. The cave disappeared and the sound of the far away fighting ceased. "I have a lot to think about but now I think I can do it at home, with you." She turned to leave with Tom by her side but he stopped in his tracks before they reached the exit.

"Now what?" She asked.

"If you kept your wedding ring...what did you put in the reclamation bin?"

"Oh that. My Maquis Uniform. Just looking at it made me feel guilty." She started to turn back toward the door. He knew his conflicted emotions were playing out on his face before he could stop them.

"That's too bad," He said.

"Why?"

"That's what you were wearing the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I always liked the idea that you still had it."

"Are you saying you want me to replicate another one?" She had that bemused expression on her face that he loved.

"Not if you don't want to. I don't want you keeping it if it makes you feel bad…"

She laughed softly resuming her way toward the door.

"I mean it. You don't have to!" he called after her as he hurried to catch up with her.

She turned to him right when they reached the corridor.

"I'll think about it," she said. Then she smiled. Tom didn't care that she could see his own smile of relief. She was back


End file.
